I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
