I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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