If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
