i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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