its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
