just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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