Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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