ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
