I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I faked an abortion last night.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
