so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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