If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize