do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
