we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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