Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
