walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
