Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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