like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
