quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sober January is a disaster.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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