the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
did i walk over a car last night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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