i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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