It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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