Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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