I wanna bring you to show and tell
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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