the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
