Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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