you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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