you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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