Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
