"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
