Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
