If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
