dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
