I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
