there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think my tv is drunk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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