I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
