We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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