do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
