Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
