cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
