You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
