In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
