Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
