everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
