This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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