You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
