I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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