Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
