so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
