Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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