yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
