I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
