she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
