i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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