4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
