dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
