forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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