we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
