you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she smelled like a LAN party
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
