i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
