i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
