I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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