i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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