Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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