I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
