Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
