So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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