I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
