I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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